I feel so excited and blessed to bring you the third of lovely Rebecca Adam’s guest blog articles on the topic of love and relationship.
I see relationships as being all about respect, appreciation, and love (in that order). Together with ease and flow, alignment, great energy in each other’s company and both parties giving 100% each (not the typical 50/50 society has led us to believe).
I have a different take on relationships, having grown up being in a single-parent family and one father figure I had from the age of 4yrs – to 9yrs, was toxic, violent, and not good, shall we say. So, I’ve been raised by 2 powerhouse women (my Mum and Nan), who raised me in the knowing that respect comes before absolutely everything and that’s why it’s first on my list above, and always will be.
In love relationships, these qualities are most definitely needed as they are very powerful and will support the foundations of building that relationship. Everything is about to give and take but it’s also about being true to you, being a voice and being heard and knowing that any boundaries you may set, are respected.
I do believe you can fully give your heart to another person, but you do have to be a “whole” person and healed from any previous experience you may have had so that you can fully submerse into the new relationship you’re wanting to have.
I have been hurt and betrayed in the past, so to me, relationships are supposed to be easy – without the negative drama and BS. Yes, there may be things that come up that you must discuss but the relationship, as a whole, shouldn’t be strained and “hard” at all. This makes having fun in the relationship all the better.
The alignment and being on the same page as the other person is truly important too so that you can both grow and expand and encourage each other in life and business or work. Discussing each other’s upbringing and also the future would be great at the beginning, so you can respect each other’s upbringing and way of thinking, but you also need to be open to change and growth as both parties will change over the years of being together.
Communication is key to any relationship and also mindset, especially money mindset needs discussing so that both parties can uplevel their mindset on aspects that can make or break their relationship. Money is a big thing that a lot of people break up over and have arguments about so working on this is crucial for longevity.
For me, as an empath, introvert and Aquarius, I need my alone time in order to charge up and protect my energy so respecting space in a relationship would be a good thing too. I think a lot of couples have issues when they’re with each 24/7/365, (in each other’s pockets), and don’t allow themselves time-out to spend with friends, work colleagues and family without the other person.
You need to give each other space so that you have more things to talk about and also to add value to the relationship. When choosing someone you’re not choosing them for a day or a week – you’re choosing them to do life with and that’s a wonderful and great thing.
I would say – get to know yourself first, respect yourself and don’t lower your boundaries for anyone (and no, that doesn’t mean you’re high-maintenance), it means that there are certain standards you won’t go below and that’s a good thing.
Know that you are worthy, enough, and powerful all by yourself and you do NOT need another person to complete you.
Be you, no matter who you’re with and go out there and enjoy life. Make sure the person you’re with is your friend, smile, laugh, have fun, and make memories.
Many of my clients ask ‘is it possible to transform a ‘friends with benefits situationship’ into a loving relationship that feeds your very soul’.
The answer is yes and no. It depends.
All relationships start with attraction, but to take it to the next level you need to have a bond spiritually, mentally, emotionally as well as the obvious physical attraction. If you only have a physical connection then it is easy for this type of relationship to fizzle out leaving one party deeply disappointed.
A lot of people throw themselves into the physical primal electrifying bond because it is fast-moving full of passion maybe matching their fast-paced life, they are attracted to the no-strings attachment style. Unfortunately, most people get burnt in this type of union as the potent energy starts to wear off. So many of my female clients fall in love with the potential of what this union could be, but both parties have to want it and do the work to keep the fire burning.
You may have gone through the negative effects of this one-sided union – the continual roller-coaster ride of endless conflicts and reconciliations that conjures up heated emotions of lust and jealousy, anger, and confusion.
Believe it or not, this type of connection can be transformed into a powerful and satisfying spiritual union, but only if both parties become conscious of how to take that potential energy and transform it into love.
If you’ve found yourself in this type of scenario you’ll know that it is catastrophic to the heart and mind and can leave you in an emotional turmoil that consumes your very soul.
You have to disconnect to reconnect before you can squeeze out the juice from your sizzling connection enjoying the continued passion with your partner at a frequency that is both satisfying and electrifying to the heart, mind, and body without destructive effects. In other words, the energy cannot be contained in just one area, it has to reach all parts of you right up to the soul level. When you are bonded at the soul level the passion continues to flow, if it stops at the physical only the power is not enough without the undying energy of the soul. When you have soul-filled love, you have a chance to attract undying love, without this magnetic energy you’re left with loveless lust and a broken heart.
You may want to step away and refuel your energy resolve the unspoken conflicts, gain insights and build empathy for each other. You will begin to experience a love that is not just a carnal sensual connection but a love that lifts your soul to new heights. You can introduce the transformative power of high-level love to quench that tantalizing desire and indulge in spiritual highs – the underlying soul urge.
Be careful not to be seduced by this primal physical magnetism with its unique connection fuelled primarily by an erotic force. When you experience this rush of lustful desire, those notions are triggered because you are responding to shared hypnotic mind energy or you may have similar tendencies or a mirrored emotional past.
This mutual awareness awakens desire and activates the brain to stimulate biological functions such as hormones and the brain’s own sexual chemicals such as oxytocin. When both parties are enjoying this oxytocin connection then there is a shared experience enjoyed by both. But if one party is there for the dopamine fix and the other for the longevity hormone oxytocin then it may be difficult to move this situation-ship into a lasting relationship.
During orgasm, many elements of a woman’s brain are activated when different parts of her body are aroused. In fact, as many as 30 parts of her brain may be activated including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. This can lead to a woman falling in love very easily after sex. In other words, most women are not built for friends with benefits situationships. (There is no judgment here, just science).
It is important for women to be mindful and be selective about who they allow into their ‘sexual headspace.’ Some women who are in a textual situationship find themselves falling in love with someone who really doesn’t exist.
If you are confused about a sexual or textual encounter/liaison feeling more and more confused, not knowing where to turn then find out how to release yourself from this unwanted situationship and transform it into a loving relationship.
This potent energy has the power to transform
Its powerful energy can turn calm into the storm
It’s lust at first sight
That fires up the carnal appetite
This can lead to pain and suffering
If we don’t master its fiery energy
A habitual roller-coaster ride
That can lead to low lows and high, highs
Emotions of lust and jealousy
That turns lovers into enemies
This sizzling chemistry
Creates an intoxicating synergy
Ignite the spark you both share
Arouse not only your body, but your soul too if you dare!
Are you making him a priority whilst he only sees you as an option?
Do you find yourself in any of these scenarios?
Do you put his needs before your own?
Do you find yourself doing all the work, trying to fix everything?
Are you still waiting for him, even though he has made it clear he is not looking for a relationship?
Does he only come around when he wants something from you?
Is he always too busy to be with you or take you out?
Time to take back your power, stop being an option in his life. You have to teach him how to treat you. When you know your value and your worth, one of two things will happen; either he will change, or you will change how you feel about him.
Here are five tips to avoid being an option and become a priority
Put Your Self-Care Needs First
‘When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.’
Stop focusing on trying to change him. Actions speak louder than words.
Do his words match his actions?
Don’t just listen to his words; his words need to be backed up by actions.
Decide that you deserve respect and will no longer accept poor treatment.
When you fall in love with yourself first, you will no longer settle for crumbs from a man.
Check-in with how you feel and your relationship goals – is this matching what you deserve?
Decide what you want from your relationship, don’t ‘fall’ into the trance settling for less than you deserve,
Remember, you are the modern-day Empress who values her happiness!
2. Stop doing all the work
Stop making phone calls and trying to fix everything. It is not your job to initiate things in your relationship – this is masculine behaviour that will push your man away.
Find out whether his behaviour matches your relationship blueprint. You won’t know that if you are meddling and doing all the work. Learn to lean back and let him come towards you. If he does not move towards you, you have your answer. He is not the one, or he is not ready for commitment. You decide what you will do with that information.
Don’t try to change him; accept that this is how he is, and make the decision that aligns with what will make you happy.
(Remember ‘a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still’). When you choose to do what makes you happy, he may decide to change, or you may lose interest in him.
3. Don’t wait around for him if he is not ready to commit
Is it working for him, but not for you?
Don’t wait around; understand that your time is precious. Your partner may be happy with the situationship as it is. He may not be ready to commit but still wants to enjoy all the benefits. Waiting around and meeting his needs won’t change him.
You are responsible for your happiness. You have to decide to take action. Do what makes you happy. Your partner may not be a bad person, but just being himself. When you choose your own happiness first, you will no longer be an option. You are living your best life with or without him.
When you choose to be happy, he will make you his priority, but if you decide to make him happy at the expense of your own happiness, he will treat you as an option.
4. Don’t be a doormat
If you feel like you’re being used and he only shows up when he needs something, you are being treated as an option and not a priority to him. You have to stop being at his beck and call and learn to say ‘no.’
You may feel that being there for him will make him want to commit to you someday, but this is unlikely to happen.
When you allow yourself to be used and get taken for granted, you teach him that you are not valuable. Men take care of what they value. You need to show him that you are a high-value woman that he can’t afford to lose, not just a doormat that is always there for him to use.
5. Spend quality time together
You should be spending quality time together enjoying each other’s company, making happy memories that bring you closer together. Time together is part of what makes your love grow and build the bond that keeps you strong as a couple. If he is too busy to see you, it may mean that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship with you. Busy people in love will rearrange their schedules to prioritise their love life.
What to do if you find yourself in any of these scenarios?
Decide what your relationship goals are. Decide what you are no longer willing to accept and longer tolerate. Don’t accept poor behaviour from your partner. Understand the feminine/masculine principle in relationships and attract the love you deserve.
You are the only one responsible for your happiness; you have the power to decide who gets to stay in your world. You are the director of your life. If you don’t like the direction of your story – change it!
Emotional clutter represents the past that manifests in the present – past hurts, toxic relationships, memories and fears.
When two people come together, they meet at the surface level. Usually, both parties are attracted to the physical aspect and each other’s personalities and exciting conversation. They have a soul connection and are drawn to the body and logical mind but have not yet been acquainted with the emotional mind, the part that can make a relationship or cause a breakup. The emotional mind stores all our emotions, good and bad, including our unhealed emotional wounds!
The relationSHIP vehicle – think of two people deciding to go on a journey choosing a vehicle of their choice. They can only take a certain amount of luggage with them; otherwise, the vehicle will be overloaded and may struggle to stay the course of the journey.
That’s what happens when we bring too much emotional clutter from our past into our relationship.
Some of our emotional clutter may even be ancestral (which we will look at in another post).
How does emotional clutter impact the self and the couple?
Emotional clutter does not usually surface at the beginning of the relationship during the honeymoon phase. Usually, this happens when you are more invested in the relationship, opening up and letting your partner into the deeper parts of yourself. Something gets triggered in one person in the relationship; they may behave unrecognisably to their partner. They seem unreasonable, cold, distant or may behave needily.
When emotional pain is triggered, that person may go into a trance. They may be feeling emotional, transported back to the past whilst being physically present. They may start to accuse their partner of things that has nothing to do with them, or they may behave in a way that may cause their partner to act in a particular manner that reminds them of a person from their past. Their partner may feel like they are being punished for someone else’s actions. At this point, both parties are operating in different ‘time zones’ or speaking other languages. Communication is non-existent at this time.
If this happens regularly, it may cause problems in the relationship; it may even destroy it.
8 Tips to clear emotional clutter?
There are different ways to clear emotional pain. The most important thing is that the person who has not healed has to have insight and realise they have a problem, and they MUST be ready to let go of it and release it. Without self-awareness and a willingness to heal, things will only get worse. Even if the couple split up, the wound will follow them into the new relationship. They will keep running into the same problems with others until they heal the wound that keeps bleeding.
To defuse the problem, the person has to work on themselves spiritually, mentally, physically and most importantly, remove the emotional virus causing the issues.
You first have to go to the core of where these problems lie. You have to work from the root cause, not the symptoms. If you work on the presenting symptoms, you will need a repeat prescription for new symptoms.
If the cause is not unpacked and healed, the unprocessed emotions will grow and become toxic. This person will attract similar situations again and again. They may wonder why they keep having the same experiences with different people. They continue to attract the same emotional pain regardless of who they are dating, living with or married to.
You may be able to help yourself, or your situation may require professional help:
Acknowledge it, feel it and release it!
Journal your thoughts and feelings and work on what comes up
Practice EFT to release pent up emotions
Get a punching bag – shout and punch it out
Work with a relationship coach
The main thing is not to ignore it.
ACKNOWLEDGE IT, FEEL IT & RELEASE IT!
You may have to repeat this, don’t give up. You will start feeling better, lighter and more accessible. You owe it to yourself to travel light in this world. Do not go through life carrying a 7-piece luggage set of your painful past.
When you let go of what’s been hurting you, you become more loving to yourself and others. You can give from a deeper place, and you can enjoy life rather than being one of life’s victims.
Relationships in the fifth dimension are nurturing, therapeutic, and long-term. Both spirits are evolving. They enable you to bring your best self to the connection, allowing you to be the gift you seek. Your soul family lineage includes your fifth-dimensional companion.
You have a biological family, but you also have a spiritual family that loves and accepts you for who you are. You don’t have to justify yourself, change who you are, or try to fit into someone else’s mould of who they think you should be; it’s a nurturing connection where you let each other be who you are.
There is no need to change yourself, no control, and no soul confinement in the fifth-dimensional connection paradise. This caring setting makes your soul feel at ease.
Relationships in the fifth dimensional vs. the third dimensional
In third-dimensional relationships, the sensation can range from honeymoon bliss to long-term misery. This isn’t because people are cruel; it’s because they haven’t been taught how relationships operate, that they begin on the spiritual plane and come with a wisdom guidebook that explains how to maintain, support, and nurture one another.
Egoic love is third-dimensional love; it’s all about (me) and nothing else (we)
Only the physical aspect of a couple can be seen, which is finite and changeable. Fifth-dimensional souls perceive themselves as powerful spiritual beings who are willing to give their all.
As the ego is self-conscious (not self-aware) and easily offended, ego contact on the third dimension is ephemeral and might go awry. If you and your partner are having problems, you may need to take some time apart to heal. A Relationship Coach or Spiritual Coach can support you in resolving the conflict between the ego and the soul/spirit.
The fifth-dimensional world’s Soul connection is quite different. At the soul level, they’re in sync. Between them, there is a spiritual connection.
They may feel like two bodies sharing one soul, so they are continually thinking about what they can give to their significant other rather than what they can do for themselves. This is referred to be a spiritual connection, in which two people share a common soul experience rather than emotional addiction between two egos hiding behind numerous masks.
Fifth Dimensional Relationships are imaginative, always thinking outside the box, and in command of their human minds. They are completely free to express themselves fully from the soul, as the mind does not come in the way. They are not afraid to speak their truth in love, and since they are connected on a higher frequency, what they say can be received in a way that is both rewarding and nutritious for the soul.
Fifth-dimensional love is all about loving the other as much as you love yourself, but you must first learn to love yourself completely.
Everything else falls into place when you start working from the spiritual realm. You must lay a solid foundation for a loving connection that will last a lifetime. A healthy connection is formed by two complete people.
You’ll stop attracting third-dimensional connections that trigger you and instead start attracting partnerships that enrich your mind, body, and soul. You’ll feel a new intimacy arise between you that you’ve always wanted but never felt in your old third-dimensional relationship structure.
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