I feel so excited and blessed to bring you the third of lovely Rebecca Adam’s guest blog articles on the topic of love and relationship.
I see relationships as being all about respect, appreciation, and love (in that order). Together with ease and flow, alignment, great energy in each other’s company and both parties giving 100% each (not the typical 50/50 society has led us to believe).
I have a different take on relationships, having grown up being in a single-parent family and one father figure I had from the age of 4yrs – to 9yrs, was toxic, violent, and not good, shall we say. So, I’ve been raised by 2 powerhouse women (my Mum and Nan), who raised me in the knowing that respect comes before absolutely everything and that’s why it’s first on my list above, and always will be.
In love relationships, these qualities are most definitely needed as they are very powerful and will support the foundations of building that relationship. Everything is about to give and take but it’s also about being true to you, being a voice and being heard and knowing that any boundaries you may set, are respected.
I do believe you can fully give your heart to another person, but you do have to be a “whole” person and healed from any previous experience you may have had so that you can fully submerse into the new relationship you’re wanting to have.
I have been hurt and betrayed in the past, so to me, relationships are supposed to be easy – without the negative drama and BS. Yes, there may be things that come up that you must discuss but the relationship, as a whole, shouldn’t be strained and “hard” at all. This makes having fun in the relationship all the better.
The alignment and being on the same page as the other person is truly important too so that you can both grow and expand and encourage each other in life and business or work. Discussing each other’s upbringing and also the future would be great at the beginning, so you can respect each other’s upbringing and way of thinking, but you also need to be open to change and growth as both parties will change over the years of being together.
Communication is key to any relationship and also mindset, especially money mindset needs discussing so that both parties can uplevel their mindset on aspects that can make or break their relationship. Money is a big thing that a lot of people break up over and have arguments about so working on this is crucial for longevity.
For me, as an empath, introvert and Aquarius, I need my alone time in order to charge up and protect my energy so respecting space in a relationship would be a good thing too. I think a lot of couples have issues when they’re with each 24/7/365, (in each other’s pockets), and don’t allow themselves time-out to spend with friends, work colleagues and family without the other person.
You need to give each other space so that you have more things to talk about and also to add value to the relationship. When choosing someone you’re not choosing them for a day or a week – you’re choosing them to do life with and that’s a wonderful and great thing.
I would say – get to know yourself first, respect yourself and don’t lower your boundaries for anyone (and no, that doesn’t mean you’re high-maintenance), it means that there are certain standards you won’t go below and that’s a good thing.
Know that you are worthy, enough, and powerful all by yourself and you do NOT need another person to complete you.
Be you, no matter who you’re with and go out there and enjoy life. Make sure the person you’re with is your friend, smile, laugh, have fun, and make memories.
I feel really excited, honoured and blessed to bring you the second of three articles by lovely Rebecca Adams. In this blog post, Rebecca shares valuable life-enhancing tips around self-Love & self-care. You will learn how you can fulfil your well-being goals and free up some well-deserved me-time.
Self-love and Self-care is NOT selfish. It’s important and is needed.
It truly is a gift you can give to yourself on a daily basis in order to nurture yourself, heal your soul and mind and also to help you be relaxed and take care of.
Feeling supported is powerful and when you can pour into yourself it truly will change your life, but you have to see that it doesn’t all mean spa days and spending lots of money. It can be a simple as painting your toenails, having a hot sea salt bath, burling up in a blanket and reading your book or listening to music.
Self-care and self-love can also mean saying no to things you don’t want to do or that hurt your soul. You know those things that feel seriously icky, and your gut is screaming at you to not do them – yes, those things. Just say no.
Empowering yourself, remembering that you are a king and queen and to keep your crown on your head and setting boundaries within your life are something that you need to give yourself permission to do and have.
You are not available to and for everyone and you are here to live your life fully, to fathom out why you’re here and to run with it daily and enjoy your experience whilst you’re here without feeling unworthy and drained by chasing after everything or others.
Be grateful every day and know that by saying yes to you more – you will increase your energy, your positive thoughts and emotions and you’ll feel much better too.
I love to practise gratitude, just be present in silence and read. I love to take walks in nature amongst the trees and I also need alone time, for me to charge up. What lights my soul is doing the things I love and being content and at peace. They light me up considerably and it really is wonderful to experience.
To look after myself, I make sure that I use dōTERRA essential oils, I drink plenty of water, eat fruit and my rainbow colour food, get Vit D from the sun, fresh air, and sleep. I also go for walks when I’m not working and I always try and laugh at something every day – it’s great to smile and laugh – it’s good for the soul right?
I also surround myself with people who align with me and my energy. I choose now not to have discussions about topics that drain me and I will always protect my energy 100%.
There are many decisions I’ve made to look after myself and my mindset, energy and boundaries over the years and you can do this too. I look at what I love to do vs what I don’t like and I delete and get rid of anything that doesn’t serve me.
Self-love and self-care is a practise you need to bring into your life daily so you have pockets of time, even if it’s 15 minutes, that you can top-up yourself. It truly is worth doing and think about it….. if you can top up a minimum of 15 minutes per day for a year that’s a lot of time for yourself and that’s as you bring it into your life.
When you can change your lifestyle to have this routine in your life constantly and you uplevel it to an hour a day, then that’s even more time for you to take care of yourself.
Know that you are the hub of the house and you’re very important so you need to be okay so that you can take care of others too – but, YOU come first! ~ always!
INTERNATIONAL LIFE, BUSINESS & MINDSET MASTERY MENTOR ™
I feel so happy and blessed to welcome Maria Harris to my blog. Thank you lovely Maria for sharing such a beautiful heartfelt story about your journey into motherhood and becoming mum to beautiful little Ruby.
Enjoy this wonderful blog by lovely MARIA HARRIS.
Let me take you back to my teen years. I was told for 13 years I was unable to have kids, and I had always said I wanted two kids when the time was right, so I just held on to the small chance I could possibly have children at some point. I lost both my parents by the time I turned 30, 4-years and 4-days apart. As you can imagine losing both parents and being an only child tore me apart, and I had got to the stage where I really didn’t want to be around anymore and just wanted to be back with my parents as they were my whole world.
While during this really low and vulnerable time period in my life, a year after my mum had passed and on my dad’s 5th Anniversary of Death, I found out I was pregnant. To say it was a massive shock is an understatement.
But I truly believe my daughter was given to me by the universe and my parents looking down on me. Finding this information out changed my entire life and entire outlook on everything. As you will see below on my Journey to Motherhood.
So after finding out I was pregnant, I did whatever I could to get myself back and organised and sorted for my little princess. My pregnancy was thankfully very nice and easy going but I had lots of different things to cope with, deal with and prove during the time I was pregnant. But it was the best thing ever to happen to me as it’s made me the even more strong-willed woman I’ve become today.
On my Road during motherhood I’ve had a lot to deal with and sort and process. There is more information on some of this journey in my chapter in “Smashing Through The Stop Sign of Life” which I wont go into during this blog.
This journey has given me a new lease of light and focus and a realisation that life is still worth living, being grateful for all the memories I have of my childhood growing up with both my parents and then being able to take these skills into now raising my own child. My focus now is always on making sure I can provide for my daughter show her you can achieve anything you want to with hard work, strength, determination and motivation.
By having her in my life, I found a new sense of independence and a new goal for my life. She truly has made me become myself again and a lot more as well. I’ll be forever grateful to have her, and she is now my only focus and making sure she grows up safe, with a roof over her head and some true values in life.
When I got my focus back and realised I can achieve anything and seeing how my old surroundings were affecting her and also myself feeling trapped, I made the huge decision to up and relocate away to give her a better lease of life and also allow me to restart my journey in life to becoming the newer version of myself that I had envisioned in becoming. So in December 2020, I relocated with my daughter set up a new family home and also a brand new business that I had been putting off for 3 years.
Once we were moved in and all sorted, I can honestly say my daughter is a lot happier, getting on a lot in school; our relationship has grown even stronger as now I’m home and not out at work, and she was with my housemate.
It’s also teaching her that you achieve anything in fact even at 4-years old she wants to try and be involved in mummy’s business, and only last weekend she asked me “mummy can I work from home when I’m older” to my surprise as she’s only four, but my reply quite simply put “you can be and do anything you like, and that includes working from home”. That one sentence from my 4-year-old says it all. I’m showing her that you can do anything, and I can still be a mum and work from home, and I can still take time to go outside and still work as well.
If I can say anything to mums out there, be it a single parent or a 2-parent family, you can be a brilliant mum and run your own business, and your children will remember you working hard and teaching them anything is possible. Don’t sit on the fence; just go for it and become a happier you in finding a great way to balance your life.
Thank you to Imani for asking me to do a blog for her; I truly appreciate it. Keep being the strong woman you are as well.
Many Thanks Always remember you are stronger than you believe Maria
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When couples are told that they need to communicate more they often think that it is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.
What Does healthy Communication look like?
Communication is the art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand the other person’s viewpoint.
Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if acted upon, could positively impact their relationship. But, because of the sheer lack of people’s ability to listen to and think through another person’s point of view, unique opportunities pass them by.
Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships are those where both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.
The Problem with Poor Communication
Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so they do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and undervalued.
How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left. What a waste! Just the ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.
So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do, don’t just bottle it up. Talk about it, seek advice from a professional and listen to the answer. Don’t stay quiet when you know in your heart there is a problem and it has to be aired. Don’t put off tomorrow what needs to be sorted today. Remember tomorrow never comes!
Think before your speak!
It’s not what you say, but how you say it that could ruin a relationship. The wrong way to share your feelings is when you blurt something out that you know might aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, burst into floods of tears, and storm off.
You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive. To achieve this, your timing and approach have to be right.
Each person is different. What works for one person may not work for another. For some people, all you can do is sow the seed and give them time to work it out for themselves.
Each person is an individual. Be patient and understand the right approach for you and your partner. Ensure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it. Don’t insist on a debate if one of you is busy, one of you has to rush off to work, deal with the kids, or your partner’s relaxing in front of the TV watching their favorite TV program.
If the timing never seems to be right, ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’
Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight, just don’t react. Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.
Become a Good Listener
One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say. They may interrupt them and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind.
One way to ensure that you have listened and understand what your partner has said is to repeat back to them what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have been listening to what they’ve said and by repeating it back to them, you can show that you comprehend and understand.
Couples can resolve conflicts quickly and easily when they take time to listen, understand and repeat back to their partner what was being said.
How to Bounce Back from Communication Challenges in your Marriage or Relationship?
Marriage and relationships come with their own set of challenges. You have two people from different walks of life, different life experiences working on building a life together. When you make your relationship a priority by doing the work, maybe working with a coach who can see your blind spots, then you create a beautiful marriage/relationship that you can be proud of.
When our relationship is in trouble because of poor communication it can cause stress to both partners. A small problem unattended can lead to bigger problems that could put the relationship at risk.
If you feel that your relationship issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy preferably with your partner. Refocus your attention on doing things together that you both love, then day-to-day issues will seem smaller and manageable.
Spending quality time together, enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the lost feelings. You can put things into perspective. You can see things more clearly. Instead of fighting each other, you now solve your problems through healthy communication.
Many of my clients ask ‘is it possible to transform a ‘friends with benefits situationship’ into a loving relationship that feeds your very soul’.
The answer is yes and no. It depends.
All relationships start with attraction, but to take it to the next level you need to have a bond spiritually, mentally, emotionally as well as the obvious physical attraction. If you only have a physical connection then it is easy for this type of relationship to fizzle out leaving one party deeply disappointed.
A lot of people throw themselves into the physical primal electrifying bond because it is fast-moving full of passion maybe matching their fast-paced life, they are attracted to the no-strings attachment style. Unfortunately, most people get burnt in this type of union as the potent energy starts to wear off. So many of my female clients fall in love with the potential of what this union could be, but both parties have to want it and do the work to keep the fire burning.
You may have gone through the negative effects of this one-sided union – the continual roller-coaster ride of endless conflicts and reconciliations that conjures up heated emotions of lust and jealousy, anger, and confusion.
Believe it or not, this type of connection can be transformed into a powerful and satisfying spiritual union, but only if both parties become conscious of how to take that potential energy and transform it into love.
If you’ve found yourself in this type of scenario you’ll know that it is catastrophic to the heart and mind and can leave you in an emotional turmoil that consumes your very soul.
You have to disconnect to reconnect before you can squeeze out the juice from your sizzling connection enjoying the continued passion with your partner at a frequency that is both satisfying and electrifying to the heart, mind, and body without destructive effects. In other words, the energy cannot be contained in just one area, it has to reach all parts of you right up to the soul level. When you are bonded at the soul level the passion continues to flow, if it stops at the physical only the power is not enough without the undying energy of the soul. When you have soul-filled love, you have a chance to attract undying love, without this magnetic energy you’re left with loveless lust and a broken heart.
You may want to step away and refuel your energy resolve the unspoken conflicts, gain insights and build empathy for each other. You will begin to experience a love that is not just a carnal sensual connection but a love that lifts your soul to new heights. You can introduce the transformative power of high-level love to quench that tantalizing desire and indulge in spiritual highs – the underlying soul urge.
Be careful not to be seduced by this primal physical magnetism with its unique connection fuelled primarily by an erotic force. When you experience this rush of lustful desire, those notions are triggered because you are responding to shared hypnotic mind energy or you may have similar tendencies or a mirrored emotional past.
This mutual awareness awakens desire and activates the brain to stimulate biological functions such as hormones and the brain’s own sexual chemicals such as oxytocin. When both parties are enjoying this oxytocin connection then there is a shared experience enjoyed by both. But if one party is there for the dopamine fix and the other for the longevity hormone oxytocin then it may be difficult to move this situation-ship into a lasting relationship.
During orgasm, many elements of a woman’s brain are activated when different parts of her body are aroused. In fact, as many as 30 parts of her brain may be activated including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. This can lead to a woman falling in love very easily after sex. In other words, most women are not built for friends with benefits situationships. (There is no judgment here, just science).
It is important for women to be mindful and be selective about who they allow into their ‘sexual headspace.’ Some women who are in a textual situationship find themselves falling in love with someone who really doesn’t exist.
If you are confused about a sexual or textual encounter/liaison feeling more and more confused, not knowing where to turn then find out how to release yourself from this unwanted situationship and transform it into a loving relationship.
This potent energy has the power to transform
Its powerful energy can turn calm into the storm
It’s lust at first sight
That fires up the carnal appetite
This can lead to pain and suffering
If we don’t master its fiery energy
A habitual roller-coaster ride
That can lead to low lows and high, highs
Emotions of lust and jealousy
That turns lovers into enemies
This sizzling chemistry
Creates an intoxicating synergy
Ignite the spark you both share
Arouse not only your body, but your soul too if you dare!
A connection at the mental level between a couple will enhance their relationship. Both parties enjoy being together and have a similar outlook on life.
One of the attributes of a successful relationship is to fall in love with each other’s minds. When you have this built-in mutual respect for each other at the mental level and beyond, it builds trust and empowers the couple and the relationship. The couple is drawn to endless intellectual reflections enhanced by spiritual, emotional and physical attraction, but it is their shared love of mindblowing intellectual acrobats that keeps them coming back for more.
The Couple Bubble
When a couple has a strong logical and intuitive connection in their relationship, they are able to connect with each other’s inner voice, they finish each other’s sentences, they don’t have to spell things out. They have this inner knowing, they are in their own unique couple bubble. They are able to co-exist in a harmonious space oblivious of crowds, not paying attention to anyone else. When they are away from each other they crave nothing more than getting together for one of their scrumptious three-course logical adventures.
Having a powerful mental connection with your partner allows you to eliminate mental drama from your love life, the only drama you’ll want to explore is role-playing at the weekend.
You don’t have to be intellectual geniuses to enjoy the powerful mind connection in your relationship. The power is in having a shared mindset and similar core values. You don’t have to be a great conversationalist, but you will have great conversations because you are both coming from your heart. You both share the same long term goals, dreams and desires. Of course, you have your own personal goals which only enhances the mental rapport you both enjoy.
Cognitive proximity is important for relationship longevity, as it means there will be fewer conflicts. When your worldview is not aligned, having different values leads to couples growing apart due to not understanding each other’s mental language.
Couples who share a mind-to-mind rapport have the ability to remain caring and supportive friends long after the honeymoon phase is over because what brought them together remains intact, and becomes even more rewarding and fulfilling as they discover even more mental passions they have in common.