I feel so excited and blessed to bring you the third of lovely Rebecca Adam’s guest blog articles on the topic of love and relationship.
I see relationships as being all about respect, appreciation, and love (in that order). Together with ease and flow, alignment, great energy in each other’s company and both parties giving 100% each (not the typical 50/50 society has led us to believe).
I have a different take on relationships, having grown up being in a single-parent family and one father figure I had from the age of 4yrs – to 9yrs, was toxic, violent, and not good, shall we say. So, I’ve been raised by 2 powerhouse women (my Mum and Nan), who raised me in the knowing that respect comes before absolutely everything and that’s why it’s first on my list above, and always will be.
In love relationships, these qualities are most definitely needed as they are very powerful and will support the foundations of building that relationship. Everything is about to give and take but it’s also about being true to you, being a voice and being heard and knowing that any boundaries you may set, are respected.
I do believe you can fully give your heart to another person, but you do have to be a “whole” person and healed from any previous experience you may have had so that you can fully submerse into the new relationship you’re wanting to have.
I have been hurt and betrayed in the past, so to me, relationships are supposed to be easy – without the negative drama and BS. Yes, there may be things that come up that you must discuss but the relationship, as a whole, shouldn’t be strained and “hard” at all. This makes having fun in the relationship all the better.
The alignment and being on the same page as the other person is truly important too so that you can both grow and expand and encourage each other in life and business or work. Discussing each other’s upbringing and also the future would be great at the beginning, so you can respect each other’s upbringing and way of thinking, but you also need to be open to change and growth as both parties will change over the years of being together.
Communication is key to any relationship and also mindset, especially money mindset needs discussing so that both parties can uplevel their mindset on aspects that can make or break their relationship. Money is a big thing that a lot of people break up over and have arguments about so working on this is crucial for longevity.
For me, as an empath, introvert and Aquarius, I need my alone time in order to charge up and protect my energy so respecting space in a relationship would be a good thing too. I think a lot of couples have issues when they’re with each 24/7/365, (in each other’s pockets), and don’t allow themselves time-out to spend with friends, work colleagues and family without the other person.
You need to give each other space so that you have more things to talk about and also to add value to the relationship. When choosing someone you’re not choosing them for a day or a week – you’re choosing them to do life with and that’s a wonderful and great thing.
I would say – get to know yourself first, respect yourself and don’t lower your boundaries for anyone (and no, that doesn’t mean you’re high-maintenance), it means that there are certain standards you won’t go below and that’s a good thing.
Know that you are worthy, enough, and powerful all by yourself and you do NOT need another person to complete you.
Be you, no matter who you’re with and go out there and enjoy life. Make sure the person you’re with is your friend, smile, laugh, have fun, and make memories.
“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”
Has the passion and magic left your relationship?
Are you finding it challenging to communicate with your partner?
Do you feel like strangers with very little interaction?
Are you wondering whether you should stay or go?
If you are experiencing any of these issues in your relationship – keep reading!
In this article, you will discover the secret to how one couple used five juicy love tips to turn their relationship around and enjoyed more love than ever before.
Be creative find different ways to express your love for your partner
Saying “I Love You” to your partner is sweet, but there are many other ways to show love and keep the fire burning in your relationship.
After the honeymoon phase is over, many people complain that their partner is no longer motivated to do what it takes to show love and keep the passion alive.
So how do you get back that deep passion that leaves you trembling with desire for your significant other?
Celia and Jason’s story
Celia and Jason had been seeing each other for about two years and felt their relationship had run its course. They argued all the time and were spending less quality time together.
They both had busy lives with numerous responsibilities that kept them away from each other most of the week. Most weeks, they were not even spending the weekends together. Celia felt lonely and unloved. Jason felt that Celia had changed.
They both decided to split up and go their separate ways, as they felt that they had gone as far as they could and that the relationship had no future.
Celia had contacted a dating coach about her relationship issues with Jason. Her coach advised her to take time out to have some me-time before making any new decisions. Celia decided to go to a spa for a few days.
Celia really needed the break; she slept through most of day one. She worked very hard on that big project at work and now needed this break to recuperate. Celia really wanted that promotion and felt that her hard work merited it.
She knew that she had made many sacrifices that had contributed to the breakup. Jason had also put the relationship last on his list as he spent every waking minute working on his business. They had spoken about moving in together, but they never got round to it.
As Celia relaxed in the jacuzzi spa, she realised what she had been missing. She and Jason had not spent any quality time together in ages. In the past, they would eat out at restaurants; go on short trips away together. They had an active dating life. Every Saturday was scheduled for something to do so that they could be together.
Away from it all, Celia could see clearly what had happened and why they had drifted apart. As she looked through her phone messages, she thought to herself, ‘these texts are so loveless and boring they could be for anyone; there was no love heart emojis, just two or three-word boring messages.’ In contrast, they would carefully craft flirty little seductive texts that tickled the mind and revved up the heart during the early days of their relationship.
Celia thought to herself, ‘well, that was the past; I have to learn from this and be more present in my next relationship. But she didn’t want another relationship, but neither did she want the dull, distant relationship she had just left. Celia still had feelings for Jason. She wanted to be with him, but the relationship would have to change. Settling was not an option for her. She also knew that a quality relationship required work.
It was the last evening of Celia’s spa getaway. Her Coach, Amanda, had advised her to write daily in her journal about her feelings, thoughts, and anything she felt would help her through the grieving process.
Celia wrote a love letter to Jason (that she would never send). She poured out her feelings onto two sheets of paper, and when she read it back, tears fell down her cheeks. Jason was the love of her life, and now he’s gone. They had done this to each other, she was too busy chasing her career, and he was still pursuing his business.
Celia Returns Home – Determined to Live a More Balanced Life
It was time to head back home. Celia boarded her plane and reflected on everything that had happened. She felt at ease. She did not know what the future held but was determined to live a more balanced life.
Six months later……
Celia and Jason decided to get back together. Jason had contacted Celia to let her know that he was missing her and wanted to give it another go. They both went for couples coaching and decided to put their relationship first. The sparkle that was missing in their relationship returned. They were more in love than ever before.
They had followed the advice that their Coach Amanda had given them, and it made all the difference to their relationship.
Here are the five steps they took to show love and turn a dull, ordinary relationship into an extraordinary one.
(a) Reflective Communication and Conflict Resolution
Jason and Celia took time to send well thought out texts that dazzled the mind, body and soul. They were left daydreaming about each other all day. These texts were alluring and seductive, bringing out the temptress in her and the seducer in him.
This is something that anybody can do to stir up the emotions in the one that they love. You don’t have to think hard about what to say; just share your true feelings and throw in a few spicy words that ignite and excite the soul, and your partner will love you even more.
(b) How to communicate when you are away from each other
Celia and Jason also practised reflective communication. In the past, Celia and Jason would talk over each other or ignore each other’s words. Sometimes they would even leave the room if they did not like what they heard. This caused a lot of pain and resentment and created distance between them.
Today Celia and Jason listen to each other, ready to learn and understand. Allowing the other person to speak fully before responding. They now repeat back to each other what the other said. (This one tip alone has helped Celia and Jason grow closer, enhancing their love for each other).
2. Quality Time Together – (Sacred Date Night or Time Away Together)
Celia and Jason decided that they were ready to move in together. They could now spend more quality time together enjoying each other’s company.
Remember, the couple that spends time together grows in love together.
(a) Sacred Date Night
Another way Celia and Jason grew and shared love was to take time out for dating; sometimes, they go out, other times, they enjoy a romantic evening indoors.
They understand that their time together is sacred, just the two of them and no one else. No friends or family, no work or business discussions. Both phones put on ‘don’t disturb mode.’
It’s exciting for them to go and paint the town dressed in their favourite Gladrags, or just dress casually and enjoy time in nature. They understand that this time needs to be scheduled; otherwise, it will get swept up with all their other ‘urgencies’ in life.
3. Love Language
Words of affirmation,
Acts of service, and
One of Amanda’s tips to Celia and Jason was to find out each of their love languages.
Celia and Jason loved all 5 love languages but were drawn to one more than any other. Celia loved quality time, and Jason loved words of affirmation.
4. Love Letters
Celia suggested this tip. She felt that it really helped the person writing the letter remember all the beautiful things they love about the other. Whilst it touched the soul of the recipient. Jason was not sure about letter-writing at first but found that it brought out the best in Celia, and now he looks forward to writing messages from his heart to hers.
Why not write love letters and poems for your significant other
Why not leave a love note for your loved one? (This can be posted in the bathroom or kitchen before leaving for work).
You could also leave a beautiful love poem under their pillow (that they could discover before bedtime or first thing in the morning. Or
Send a handwritten love letter to their work address.
Like love-texting, this is something that anybody can do to stir up the emotions in the one that they love. You don’t have to think hard about what to say; just share your true feelings and throw in a few spicy words that ignite and excite the soul, and your partner will love you even more.
5. Relationship Goals – Shared Vision
Celia and Jason struggled with getting closer because they did not have shared plans and a vision for the future. They spent a lot of time on their business and career goals but did not plan what they wanted as a couple.
When you include each other in your dreams and future, your partner will be more willing to invest in the relationship because there is a tangible asset that you both are invested in.
What benefits will you gain when you apply these five relationship tools?
You don’t have to change everything all at once. Try one at a time and build on your success.
Applying any one of these powerful relationship tools will spice up your love life. However, when you use all five, your love for each other will explode, and your relationship will become something you cherish and are proud of for many years to come.
When couples are told that they need to communicate more they often think that it is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.
What Does healthy Communication look like?
Communication is the art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand the other person’s viewpoint.
Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if acted upon, could positively impact their relationship. But, because of the sheer lack of people’s ability to listen to and think through another person’s point of view, unique opportunities pass them by.
Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships are those where both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.
The Problem with Poor Communication
Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so they do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and undervalued.
How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left. What a waste! Just the ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.
So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do, don’t just bottle it up. Talk about it, seek advice from a professional and listen to the answer. Don’t stay quiet when you know in your heart there is a problem and it has to be aired. Don’t put off tomorrow what needs to be sorted today. Remember tomorrow never comes!
Think before your speak!
It’s not what you say, but how you say it that could ruin a relationship. The wrong way to share your feelings is when you blurt something out that you know might aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, burst into floods of tears, and storm off.
You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive. To achieve this, your timing and approach have to be right.
Each person is different. What works for one person may not work for another. For some people, all you can do is sow the seed and give them time to work it out for themselves.
Each person is an individual. Be patient and understand the right approach for you and your partner. Ensure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it. Don’t insist on a debate if one of you is busy, one of you has to rush off to work, deal with the kids, or your partner’s relaxing in front of the TV watching their favorite TV program.
If the timing never seems to be right, ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’
Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight, just don’t react. Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.
Become a Good Listener
One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say. They may interrupt them and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind.
One way to ensure that you have listened and understand what your partner has said is to repeat back to them what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have been listening to what they’ve said and by repeating it back to them, you can show that you comprehend and understand.
Couples can resolve conflicts quickly and easily when they take time to listen, understand and repeat back to their partner what was being said.
How to Bounce Back from Communication Challenges in your Marriage or Relationship?
Marriage and relationships come with their own set of challenges. You have two people from different walks of life, different life experiences working on building a life together. When you make your relationship a priority by doing the work, maybe working with a coach who can see your blind spots, then you create a beautiful marriage/relationship that you can be proud of.
When our relationship is in trouble because of poor communication it can cause stress to both partners. A small problem unattended can lead to bigger problems that could put the relationship at risk.
If you feel that your relationship issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy preferably with your partner. Refocus your attention on doing things together that you both love, then day-to-day issues will seem smaller and manageable.
Spending quality time together, enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the lost feelings. You can put things into perspective. You can see things more clearly. Instead of fighting each other, you now solve your problems through healthy communication.
Your ability to love yourself creates a blueprint for all other relationships. Your love blueprint is a printout of all your thoughts, experiences, memories, beliefs, desires, and fears; this is also known as your energy field or Aura.
Your energy field is your personal space; people will gravitate towards you or be repelled by you. Every experience you’ve ever had will be contained in your Energy field. This is the energy that spiritual healers can interpret for you when you go to them for a reading.
To transform your relationships and experience love, you must travel to the inner realms inside you.
The Chakras System
There are 7 different levels to our energy field which contain information about every dimension of our lives.
The Chakra System
1.The base/root Chakra – (Red)
Survival, instincts, and stable foundation.
2.Splenic/Sacral Chakra – (Orange)
Intimacy and pleasure.
3.Solar Plexus Chakra (Yellow)
Personal power, self-esteem, transformation
4.Heart Chakra (Green)
Love for oneself and others, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness
5.Throat Chakra (Blue)
Communication, self-expression, the ability to speak your personal truth
6.Third Eye Chakra (Indigo)
Perception, awareness, and spiritual communication deepen your spiritual connection
7.Crown Chakra (Violet)
Spiritual connection and transformation, connecting you to the divine, awareness that you are a soul connected to a human body.
The Chakras all lead to our aura and provide information on different areas of our lives:-
∙ Physical health
∙ Subconscious fears
∙ Happy memories
So when you meet someone new, all this information is there floating around; if you can quiet the mind and tune in, you may find that you will discover things about them.
Our magnetic thoughts
Our thoughts are magnetic and reside in our energy field; they affect you and everyone around you.
How does the mind affect you and your significant other?
When you are in a relationship, you will connect to your partner via energy frequencies known as your thoughts and emotions. The partner you attract and the love you experience will always match your most dominant thoughts, emotional feelings, and beliefs about yourself.
When two people come together, they are like two universes, either in conflict or in harmony with each other.
Your thoughts and emotions are energetic forces that will impact your relationship and determine your ability to give and receive love.
You and your partner may have excess relationship baggage from the past. You may have encountered traumatic life experiences have opposing thoughts and beliefs. You may trigger each other emotionally, creating a toxic relationship.
Clear your energy field before embarking on a new relationship. Have positive thoughts about what you want. When you have reconciled and healed your past; and have stable emotions, you will attract someone who matches your vibration.
To get the most out of your personal power, you have to keep it clean. Working with a psychic or spiritual counsellor/coach can help you release the excess toxicity.
THE WORLD WITHIN
Remember that everything starts with you. You have an inner world with a hidden realm that only you can access. Your inner world is where all your thoughts, emotions, beliefs reside, and they affect every area of your life.
If you want an attractive love life, you have to have an attractive mind, which will be magnetic, bringing you the love you desire.
Be careful what you are downloading and storing about love and relationships in your mind.
Whatever you focus on most of the time will become part of your life. You do not attract what you want; you attract more of what you already have and who you are.
The mind is habit-forming, so change your cognitive thinking, attract more love by loving yourself first, and love will find you.
Many of my clients ask ‘is it possible to transform a ‘friends with benefits situationship’ into a loving relationship that feeds your very soul’.
The answer is yes and no. It depends.
All relationships start with attraction, but to take it to the next level you need to have a bond spiritually, mentally, emotionally as well as the obvious physical attraction. If you only have a physical connection then it is easy for this type of relationship to fizzle out leaving one party deeply disappointed.
A lot of people throw themselves into the physical primal electrifying bond because it is fast-moving full of passion maybe matching their fast-paced life, they are attracted to the no-strings attachment style. Unfortunately, most people get burnt in this type of union as the potent energy starts to wear off. So many of my female clients fall in love with the potential of what this union could be, but both parties have to want it and do the work to keep the fire burning.
You may have gone through the negative effects of this one-sided union – the continual roller-coaster ride of endless conflicts and reconciliations that conjures up heated emotions of lust and jealousy, anger, and confusion.
Believe it or not, this type of connection can be transformed into a powerful and satisfying spiritual union, but only if both parties become conscious of how to take that potential energy and transform it into love.
If you’ve found yourself in this type of scenario you’ll know that it is catastrophic to the heart and mind and can leave you in an emotional turmoil that consumes your very soul.
You have to disconnect to reconnect before you can squeeze out the juice from your sizzling connection enjoying the continued passion with your partner at a frequency that is both satisfying and electrifying to the heart, mind, and body without destructive effects. In other words, the energy cannot be contained in just one area, it has to reach all parts of you right up to the soul level. When you are bonded at the soul level the passion continues to flow, if it stops at the physical only the power is not enough without the undying energy of the soul. When you have soul-filled love, you have a chance to attract undying love, without this magnetic energy you’re left with loveless lust and a broken heart.
You may want to step away and refuel your energy resolve the unspoken conflicts, gain insights and build empathy for each other. You will begin to experience a love that is not just a carnal sensual connection but a love that lifts your soul to new heights. You can introduce the transformative power of high-level love to quench that tantalizing desire and indulge in spiritual highs – the underlying soul urge.
Be careful not to be seduced by this primal physical magnetism with its unique connection fuelled primarily by an erotic force. When you experience this rush of lustful desire, those notions are triggered because you are responding to shared hypnotic mind energy or you may have similar tendencies or a mirrored emotional past.
This mutual awareness awakens desire and activates the brain to stimulate biological functions such as hormones and the brain’s own sexual chemicals such as oxytocin. When both parties are enjoying this oxytocin connection then there is a shared experience enjoyed by both. But if one party is there for the dopamine fix and the other for the longevity hormone oxytocin then it may be difficult to move this situation-ship into a lasting relationship.
During orgasm, many elements of a woman’s brain are activated when different parts of her body are aroused. In fact, as many as 30 parts of her brain may be activated including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. This can lead to a woman falling in love very easily after sex. In other words, most women are not built for friends with benefits situationships. (There is no judgment here, just science).
It is important for women to be mindful and be selective about who they allow into their ‘sexual headspace.’ Some women who are in a textual situationship find themselves falling in love with someone who really doesn’t exist.
If you are confused about a sexual or textual encounter/liaison feeling more and more confused, not knowing where to turn then find out how to release yourself from this unwanted situationship and transform it into a loving relationship.
This potent energy has the power to transform
Its powerful energy can turn calm into the storm
It’s lust at first sight
That fires up the carnal appetite
This can lead to pain and suffering
If we don’t master its fiery energy
A habitual roller-coaster ride
That can lead to low lows and high, highs
Emotions of lust and jealousy
That turns lovers into enemies
This sizzling chemistry
Creates an intoxicating synergy
Ignite the spark you both share
Arouse not only your body, but your soul too if you dare!
Are you making him a priority whilst he only sees you as an option?
Do you find yourself in any of these scenarios?
Do you put his needs before your own?
Do you find yourself doing all the work, trying to fix everything?
Are you still waiting for him, even though he has made it clear he is not looking for a relationship?
Does he only come around when he wants something from you?
Is he always too busy to be with you or take you out?
Time to take back your power, stop being an option in his life. You have to teach him how to treat you. When you know your value and your worth, one of two things will happen; either he will change, or you will change how you feel about him.
Here are five tips to avoid being an option and become a priority
Put Your Self-Care Needs First
‘When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.’
Stop focusing on trying to change him. Actions speak louder than words.
Do his words match his actions?
Don’t just listen to his words; his words need to be backed up by actions.
Decide that you deserve respect and will no longer accept poor treatment.
When you fall in love with yourself first, you will no longer settle for crumbs from a man.
Check-in with how you feel and your relationship goals – is this matching what you deserve?
Decide what you want from your relationship, don’t ‘fall’ into the trance settling for less than you deserve,
Remember, you are the modern-day Empress who values her happiness!
2. Stop doing all the work
Stop making phone calls and trying to fix everything. It is not your job to initiate things in your relationship – this is masculine behaviour that will push your man away.
Find out whether his behaviour matches your relationship blueprint. You won’t know that if you are meddling and doing all the work. Learn to lean back and let him come towards you. If he does not move towards you, you have your answer. He is not the one, or he is not ready for commitment. You decide what you will do with that information.
Don’t try to change him; accept that this is how he is, and make the decision that aligns with what will make you happy.
(Remember ‘a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still’). When you choose to do what makes you happy, he may decide to change, or you may lose interest in him.
3. Don’t wait around for him if he is not ready to commit
Is it working for him, but not for you?
Don’t wait around; understand that your time is precious. Your partner may be happy with the situationship as it is. He may not be ready to commit but still wants to enjoy all the benefits. Waiting around and meeting his needs won’t change him.
You are responsible for your happiness. You have to decide to take action. Do what makes you happy. Your partner may not be a bad person, but just being himself. When you choose your own happiness first, you will no longer be an option. You are living your best life with or without him.
When you choose to be happy, he will make you his priority, but if you decide to make him happy at the expense of your own happiness, he will treat you as an option.
4. Don’t be a doormat
If you feel like you’re being used and he only shows up when he needs something, you are being treated as an option and not a priority to him. You have to stop being at his beck and call and learn to say ‘no.’
You may feel that being there for him will make him want to commit to you someday, but this is unlikely to happen.
When you allow yourself to be used and get taken for granted, you teach him that you are not valuable. Men take care of what they value. You need to show him that you are a high-value woman that he can’t afford to lose, not just a doormat that is always there for him to use.
5. Spend quality time together
You should be spending quality time together enjoying each other’s company, making happy memories that bring you closer together. Time together is part of what makes your love grow and build the bond that keeps you strong as a couple. If he is too busy to see you, it may mean that he is not ready to be in a committed relationship with you. Busy people in love will rearrange their schedules to prioritise their love life.
What to do if you find yourself in any of these scenarios?
Decide what your relationship goals are. Decide what you are no longer willing to accept and longer tolerate. Don’t accept poor behaviour from your partner. Understand the feminine/masculine principle in relationships and attract the love you deserve.
You are the only one responsible for your happiness; you have the power to decide who gets to stay in your world. You are the director of your life. If you don’t like the direction of your story – change it!